hey there,
sooo school just started for a whole wack of people. exciting stuff! i started yesterday and i know i had big plans for this year. going to camp two weeks ago helped me to see what areas in my life i needed to work on and learned a lot about what i could do to change it and to live my life glorifying God. i felt so ready to come back home and make a difference. going to school, i felt motivated and prepared. "chill yo i got this!"
mega fail.
honestly, i felt like i was hit with a bunch of rocks. i never expected how hard satan could try to hit me and i definately wasn't prepared to fight this battle on my own...how are you sopposed to live righteously, happily, and continually setting an example for people when you're surrounded by people who couldn't care less about righteousness or what it even means?! i was falling hard and it was only the first two days of school. i was dissappointed in my friends for how they were acting, dissappointed that things didn't work out the picture perfect way i imagined, and dissappointed in myself for not being the Godly person i wanted to look like.
my problem was that i shouldn't have relied on myself at all! i should have been relying on God. i know i'm not the only christian who has been through this. it happens all the time. what amazes me is how easily we can rely on ourselves instead of the strongest, most secure person in the universe. GOD! God is the one who provides us with opportunity, with the words to say, and with the courage to do the right thing...but we ain't got nothin' if we ain't got God!
if there's anything i learned from this, it's that the second i look to myself for anything is the second things start to fall apart. God needs to be first on my mind no matter what i'm doing or who i'm trying to help. we need to come into the battle prepared; but not with our own understanding and knowledge, with God's word and a little bit of faith.
it doesn't mean the battle gets easier, it just means we'll get back up when we start to fall. the past few days we a little rough, but thank God for grace and forgiveness, pick up and carry on.
"Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
Ephesians 6:13-17
a toughy but a goody!
eh.
